Sword Art Online #24: ALfheim Offline

Two years worth of tears had a delicious taste as they flowed endlessly down Asuna's cheek.

Two years worth of tears tasted delicious as they flowed endlessly down Asuna’s cheek.

I’ve realized Sugou’s purpose: To rile up the fanboys by constantly having him molest what’s-her-face. And you know what? It’s working. Every single fanboy is out for his blood. Let’s be honest: Sugou sucks as a villain, but I actually enjoy his attempts at villainy.

Beginning where we last left off, Kirito and Yui teleport to some part of the game where there’s no map data, and yet they manage to conveniently find the path that conveniently leads them to where what’s-her-face is! We’ve gotten this far using Deus ex Machina. Might as well keep on keepin’ on. As they approach the top of the World Tree, Kirito notices the lack of a floating city. In other words, the Grand Quest is nothing but grand baloney.

"How dare he make up some story about a great sidequest. He'll regret this!!"

“How dare he make up some story about a great sidequest. He’ll regret this!!”

Regardless, they continue onwards and at long last are reunited with what’s-her-face. Hooray. It took Kirito ignoring every other person and destroying every likable bit of his character to do it, too.

"When we get home, you are going straight into the kitchen and making me one helluva sandwich."

“When we get home, you are going straight into the kitchen and making me one helluva sandwich.”

Unfortuately, this oh-so-lovely family reunion is broken up by Sugou using gravity magic that’s not yet available to hold down the two lovebirds. And since they’re pinned down, he takes this opportunity to rant about his plan. What was it again? Oh yeah, something about screwing with the brains of the 300+ players that didn’t escape from SAO.

Um.... Hip Hip Hooray?

Um…. Hip Hip Hooray?

So before he initiates whatever his plan is, he decides to have a little fun with them and chain up what’s-her-face and immediately jizz his pants over her hanging body.

Screenshot - 12_15_2012 , 6_44_03 PM Screenshot - 12_15_2012 , 6_44_28 PM

What follows next is Kirito trying to get up, and then Sugou kicking him in the face and stabbing him with his own sword to keep him from getting back up again.

And to add extra salt to the wound, he accesses the pain absorber and lowers the setting from Level 10 to Level 8 to make it hurt even more. The lower the level, the more pain is inflicted. Level 3 and below is where even the physical body will be affected. And then he proceeds to rip what’s-her-face’s top off.

Dat glorious look of someone getting NTR'd

Dat glorious look of someone getting NTR’d

It’s really wrong that I’m actually laughing at the villain instead of hating him for this kinda thing. He’s so over the top that I think I’m gonna die laughing.

Uh, yes!! You'd think that would catch up to you by now.

Uh, yes!! You’d think that would catch up to you by now.

Anyway, Kirito has yet another moment to himself to realize again that he’s not the Gary Stu he thought he was. You’d think after the first realization he’d get the picture by now. Then he hears Kayaba/Heathcliff’s voice in his head, telling him to embrace his Gary Stu-ness.

Kirito pulls himself up, ignoring Sugou’s gravity magic and the sword that nailing him down, and if that’s not enough asspullery for you, get a load of this: Kirito then accesses the game system using Heathcliff’s user credentials to take Oberon’s admin status!! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?!!!! Seriously, what?

I have no words. Not even a Picard Facepalm is suitable for this kind of unbelievable nonsense.

So Kirito continues to use his new admin status to generate Excalibur and gives it to Sugou so they can have at it, and at the same time, set the pain absorber setting to Level 0. It doesn’t really matter as the battle is over in less than a minute, with Kirito effortlessly slaughtering Sugou. So much for the Final Boss. Then again, it had Deus ex Machina equal to that of SAO arc’s end. So, yeah…

So with Sugou defeated, and both his and my fun time brought to an unfortunate end, Kirito logs what’s-her-face out; Screw the 299+ other players! Also, he has a little chat with Kayaba’s digital ghost.

"...what with you trapping 10,000 people in a video game, killing 40% of those people and forgetting why you ever did it to begin with."

“…what with you trapping 10,000 people in a video game, killing 40% of those people and forgetting why you ever did it to begin with.”

Anyway, before Kirito logs out, Kayaba gives him The Seed, saying that once it buds, he’ll understand what to do with it. He logs out and is greeted by Suguha hovering over his unconscious body. Why, I have no idea. After all, she could’ve been doing… Nah. Anyhoo, the episode ends with Kazuto biking his way over to the hospital.

So um… Series over? Not until next week? OK, that’s fine, because I’ve seem to have run out of things to say about this show. I’ve used almost every word in my dictionary that’s it’s hard for me to say any more without sounding repetitive. I guess I’ll spend this next week thinking of something new to say, assuming the world doesn’t end Friday.

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